I am currently reading the book Personality Types by Don Richard.

It is quite a fascinating book that goes in-depth of character types that are common throughout civilisation.

In this series I will summarise each type and what makes them unique.

I thought it was fun to learn more about myself.

The book describes which activities you should avoid according to your personality, and which activities will be healthy for you to grow.

 

 

 

 

Personality Type

The Helper

The first type is The Helper. A truly selfless person who enjoys loving and giving to others. They see themselves as the person who would do anything for those they love and are very self-sacrificial.

Example of The Helper: Mother Theresa, Eleanor Roosevelt

 

Healthy Level

At a healthy level The Helper is a outgoing, caring and loving person who is passionate about helping the people around them.

They want to service others and help bring out the best in them.

They are deeply unselfish, humble and altruistic.

They feel it is a privilige to be in other people's lives and gives them unconditional love.

 

Normal Level

At a normal level The Helper may descend further down into people pleasing.

They seek to please others in order to gain something (their love, and depency, etc).

At this level, they are very talkative about their love, and how much personal relationships means to them.

They can become overly intrusive and intimate.

They want to feel needed and for others to depend on their love.

They may become possessive and see themself as the self-sacrificing person (the parent who would do anything for their children - but also believes those same people should be grateful for their sacrifice).

At this level they start to wear themselves out.

They seek to please too many people and start to ignore their own self.

To compensate for ignoring their own needs they start to seek repayment from others (love for love) and can become bitter when their efforts are not repaid.

Finally at this stage they start to see themselves as a martyr for others; "I would do anything for you!".

 

Unhealthy Level

At this level The Helper has ignored their own needs for far too long, and start to become very fragile.

They start manipulating in order to get what they want by instilling guilt in others; "I did so much for you! How can you treat me this way?"

They become extremely self-deceptive at this stage and believe whatever they do is done "in the name of the good".

They start to become angry and resentful, belittling others; "Oh that's great she's a CEO, she must have stepped on a few people to get there."

They start to "fall apart", first by developing minor health issues through stress which leads to chronic health issues; "I am sick, you should take care of me".

Once The Helper becomes truly unhealthy they will do evil according to what they believe is done "in the name of the good" and can no longer tell the difference between good and evil.

 

 

 

 

An Overview Of The Helper

What The Helper truly wants and cares about is love.

But The Helper may mistake what love truly is.

Love is unconditional, it is given and once given cannot be taken back.

Love is not transactional.

Genuine love is wanting what is best for others, even if it means risking a relationship with them in order to help them.

While The Helper is seen as the most loving person, deep down what they truly want and search for is the same; Love.

Again and again they try to obtain this love by giving people gifts, services, compliments and affection as they move from unhealthy towards healthy.

However, until The Helper learn to love themself and not depend on others, their love will not be truly unconditional.

The average types in this personality are "pleasers" and if very unhealthy can become "stalkers".

For The Helper love is the most important thing in the world.

But they may misuse and misinterpret what love truly is.

This is seen in religions such as with crusaders, who committed atrocities in the name of "God".

By deceiving themselves The Helper can commit terrible acts of cruelty while believing "they are doing it in the name of good".

The main problem is The Helper faces is that they are unable to love themselves as that would be "selfish" to do.

And because they see their identity as a truly unselfish person this creates an inner conflict.

But the very irony is that by denying themself they start to deteriorate and become increasingly self-deceptive and selfish over time.

Gaining love from others is also truly important to The Helper.

They fear they cannot be loved simply by being who they are.

They believe they can only be loved by being good to others.

Briefly they can be summarised as people who out of fear of others not loving them, spend their lives pleasing others in order to try and make others love them.

And this is what creates hostility and aggression.

If people do not respond with this love in return, The Helper starts to become resentful towards these people.

 

 

 

 

Parental Orientation

Growing up, The Helper had mixed feelings towards their protective figure (commonly the father, but can be mother or older sibling).

In order to try and fit in to the family system The Helper decided it would be best to not compete with the protective figure, and rather create a complimentary matriarchal role.

They became little nurturers, as they believed they could only gain love, affection and protection from the protective figure by nurturing sufficiently.

The more dysfunctional the household, the stronger this behaviour became and therefore the more extreme repressing of own needs and self-sacrifice became.

 

 

 

 

Ego Orientation

The Helpers' ego is dependant on how unselfish, self-sacrificing and loving they are.

The Helpers' ego depends not only on how unselfish they are, but also how others respond to their unselfishness as can be characterised by this inner monolue; "It was a nice compliment by Marie, but if she REALLY loved you, she would give you a hug".

 

At Their Best

At their best The Helper is a truly loving person who lifts everyone around them. They have learned to love themselves and therefore can provide unconditional love for others, as their ego is no longer attached to the response of others.

 

At Their Worst

At their worst The Helper is the needy bedridden victim who plagues others by using guilt to lash out and vent their frustration; "How could you do this to your mother! I sacrificed everything for you!"

 

 

 

 

What To Avoid

The Helper must learn to love themself and acknowledge their own feelings.

They need to understand that in order to truly love others, they must first learn how to love themself and care for themself.

By repressing their own needs and what they deem "selfish", they only become more selfish but is not aware of this due to them deceiving themselves; "I am doing this in the name of the good!".

Therefore, what The Helper truly want to avoid is repressing their own needs and feelings.

The more they repress their own desires, needs and feelings; the more resentful, bitter and angry they become.

 

 

 

 

What To Do

The Helper must become better at reflecting and listening to themselves.

All of themselves.

Also their negative and aggressive feelings.

And not repress these feelings or shame themselves for having them.

But rather, they must accept these feelings and say; "This is part of who I am".

Be accepting themself fully and giving themself unconditional love, saying; "I am good enough", The Helper can now do the same for others.

This means they are now truly able to accept the positive as well as negative sides of other people as well.

And provide true love.

By fully understanding themself they develop a unique intuition they can now use to reach insights for themselves and others only very few can reach.

Therefore, whatever they give to others is now something truly invaluable as it is genuine and pure.

 

 

 

 

Major Subtypes of The Helper

 

The Servant

The Servant subtype is a quiet, laidback and orderly version of The Helper.

They value objectivity and facts, they are a very straight and narrow person, but with a warm presence.

This makes them great teachers as they want to help others but also care about intellect.

They may also be people who start philanthropic organisations.

In essence, they want to give the best possible service to others with less self-regard and more altruism than the second subtype.

 

The Hostess

The Hostess subtype is the more flamboyant subtype who loves to create intimacy and connection between people; "Let's have a dinner together on Wednesday! I'll invite a few others also!"

They are the extroverted, seductive, always smiling and charming type, who always makes sure people are having a good time.

They enjoy the attention of others, are self assured and exude an aura of self-enjoyment.

They are more seen as a gift-giver rather than a servant.

They value social qualities over intellectual qualities.

As a result, they are less likely to engage in self-questioning and self-criticism.

But this may also mean they are even less likely to self-reflect, which they must in order to become their best selves.

 

 

 

 

Final Thoughts

As we can see The Helper has created an identity based on the desire to love others and the desire deep down to be loved by others themselves.

To truly become their best selves they must learn to give some of their love to themselves, and self-reflect in order to understand themselves fully as well.

Everything written here is my understanding and simplification of this personality type.

If you truly want to understand this personality type in depth, I highly recommend reading the book Personality Types by Don Richard where this information is extracted from.

The pages for this personality type is 59-94.